2008 Woodie Awards
Gray Party Election Coverage
Steve Sommerville
Issue date: 10/6/06 Section: Opinion
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Ah, it's that time of year again; more specifically, an even numbered month, so it's time for the Gray Party to explore the glorious process called democratic elections…Wait, this is Kansas, so it's time to explore Republican elections and who's who in the run for the gubernatorial elections here in our fair state. As an added bonus, we can also see what they vouch to do and misconstrue…erm, translate it to layman terms. Yeah…translate, that's it.
First, there are only four candidates on the ballot, though there is one other hopeful. In the blue (D) corner we find the current incumbent, Governor Kathleen Sebelius. (Just how did a Democrat get elected?) In the red (R), we find Senator Jim Barnett. Carl Kramer is in the green, smoke-filled corner (L). Lastly, Richard Ranzau is representing the Reform Party in the…um, puce corner? Burgundy corner? Ah…the purple corner. Of course, this political ring is more trapezoidal in shape, because the red and blue corners seem to take up a lot of space…
Sebelius. Just the sound of the name these past few years has sent Republicans into a frenzy. Her main claim to education is that she has managed to balance the state budget without having to raise any state taxes…However, the broke schools still have resorted to raising local taxes, such as sales and property. Not that taxes are bad…but nobody likes taxes except the Democrats. I'd have a joke for that, but it's already funny enough because it's true. Still, she pledged to audit the government and she found $159 million in wasted spending, which she redistributed…um, I'll get back to you on that as soon as I find it. She has, however, stream-lined the government process on the internet, earning the state a shiny blue ribbon in online transactions.
The Republicans have sent in Jim Barnett to try and keep the state from turning a mix of red and blue. He's of the mind to lower taxes by 20% in an effort to…do something…I really don't know. The Republicans try to increase revenue by cutting taxes…the logic is by lowering taxes, the taxpayers will have more money to spend and by spending that money will provide the state with more revenue. Hmm…not a bad idea, save for the fact that it's worthless in a state with 2.7 million people. It may work, provided you have a state population that can generate a lot on excess income, but not here. But I digress. He also plans to raise the dependent exemption by $250 as well as conjure up $495 million for K-12 education. I like money as much as the next guy…but I was told at an early age that currency didn't grow on shrubbery…or something like that. He points out that Sebelius's education plan would create a $175 million deficit in three years. What the hell kind of deficit is he not expecting? Taken alone, he's right…but I'm of the inclination that the Governor has a plan--though whether it's a good one or not is a reservation I have.
First, there are only four candidates on the ballot, though there is one other hopeful. In the blue (D) corner we find the current incumbent, Governor Kathleen Sebelius. (Just how did a Democrat get elected?) In the red (R), we find Senator Jim Barnett. Carl Kramer is in the green, smoke-filled corner (L). Lastly, Richard Ranzau is representing the Reform Party in the…um, puce corner? Burgundy corner? Ah…the purple corner. Of course, this political ring is more trapezoidal in shape, because the red and blue corners seem to take up a lot of space…
Sebelius. Just the sound of the name these past few years has sent Republicans into a frenzy. Her main claim to education is that she has managed to balance the state budget without having to raise any state taxes…However, the broke schools still have resorted to raising local taxes, such as sales and property. Not that taxes are bad…but nobody likes taxes except the Democrats. I'd have a joke for that, but it's already funny enough because it's true. Still, she pledged to audit the government and she found $159 million in wasted spending, which she redistributed…um, I'll get back to you on that as soon as I find it. She has, however, stream-lined the government process on the internet, earning the state a shiny blue ribbon in online transactions.
The Republicans have sent in Jim Barnett to try and keep the state from turning a mix of red and blue. He's of the mind to lower taxes by 20% in an effort to…do something…I really don't know. The Republicans try to increase revenue by cutting taxes…the logic is by lowering taxes, the taxpayers will have more money to spend and by spending that money will provide the state with more revenue. Hmm…not a bad idea, save for the fact that it's worthless in a state with 2.7 million people. It may work, provided you have a state population that can generate a lot on excess income, but not here. But I digress. He also plans to raise the dependent exemption by $250 as well as conjure up $495 million for K-12 education. I like money as much as the next guy…but I was told at an early age that currency didn't grow on shrubbery…or something like that. He points out that Sebelius's education plan would create a $175 million deficit in three years. What the hell kind of deficit is he not expecting? Taken alone, he's right…but I'm of the inclination that the Governor has a plan--though whether it's a good one or not is a reservation I have.
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